I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
