Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
