I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
