how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
