I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
