In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
