Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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