Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
