We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
