One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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