Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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