you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
