Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
