WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My penis needs a shock collar
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
