Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
