wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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