Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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