Can i not drive my cunt home
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
