if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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