Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
