I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
