wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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