yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
