i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
