just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
