i just wanna soil my oats bro
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
