don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
