i just google imaged poop.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
