So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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