took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
