I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
