My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
