I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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