I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
operation harelip BJ is a go
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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