I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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