Welp...herpes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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