What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
