I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
