I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You can't just leave with hair like that
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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