He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
