dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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