Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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