We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
false alarm, still single
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
