I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
