My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
