How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
