dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
