Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
