New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize