dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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