we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
