A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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