this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize