Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
