im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
my liver is dry heaving
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
