This girl is more easily done than said...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
