Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
