Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
