Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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