I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
