I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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