I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
