things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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