Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
