But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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